The art of hosting a party is a skill I will never master. One lesson I have learned is a checklist is essential to prepare for your event especially if this is your first big party. To help, I have compiled a comprehensive, realistic list of what you, the host, should brace for.
One week before:
- Google “party planning checklist” and disregard everything listed prior to two weeks before party. You’ve already blown those deadlines and besides, you’ve got kids and a job. #realitycheck.
- Review guest list with husband and remind children no text messaging invitations. This party is for adults only.
- Start to plan the menu. Entrees containing more than 4 ingredients should be catered. Don’t forget, your guests have been dieting all year. Dishes loaded with sugar, fat, carbs, and bacon are guaranteed crowd pleasers.
Five days before:
- Guest list doubles as in-laws arrive early and extend invitations to questionable distant relatives.
- Your calendar suddenly explodes with urgent things to do totally unrelated to the party.
- Husband blows party budget stocking up at the liquor store for the big event. Use deep breathing techniques when you determine you have to ditch the caterer and actually cook.
Four – two days before:
- Frantically dismantle house searching for table linens, utensils, folding chairs, etc…#bleach, #Gorilla Glue.
- Scream at husband and children for no apparent reason. Then scream some more because the first time felt soooo good.
- Abandon hope that you will actually have a clean house. Yes, heavy dust can pass as spray snow.
One day before:
- Become thankful for husband’s spending spree as you polish off the first bottle of wine while cooking.
- Keep cooking
- Keep cooking
- Keep cooking
- Go to bed then realize you forgot to feed children…all day.
- Spend entire morning nursing hangover and getting the mystery smell out of house.
- Discover hungry children have sampled every entree during the night.
- At least one child will be sick with something contagious. This bullet point also applies to families with airline tickets.
One hour before:
- Household descends into a hyperdrive blur of mini disasters.
One hour after start time (and beyond):
- Guests start to arrive.
- Wives declare husbands are designated drivers and pour huge glasses of wine.
- Husbands disappear with bottle of scotch and cigars to TV room. *Tip – if you want men and women to mingle, cancel sports channels.
- Grandpa clogs toilet…again.
- Explain the chicken is not burnt, it’s blackened.
- Promise police you will keep the noise down.
- Find son and his friends in his bedroom with empty desert trays scattered everywhere.
- Wives take car keys and switch to coffee as slightly inebriated husbands argue which team is better, NY Jets or NY Giants.
Last 5 minutes of party:
- Finally relax and enjoy.
- Realize everyone is leaving happy and the party was a success.
- Sip coffee with hubby and reminisce about how good it was to have everyone over. Vow to throw a bigger party next year.
- Listen to first phone message. “Hey guys, great party. By the way, about that spinach dip, how is everyone feeling…..?”