Etiquette was very important when I was a kid. I learned to eat continental style, was taught the box step (which came in handy just in time for waltzing at the balls I attended in my teen years), and had to have wonderful telephone manners. My brothers additionally had to hold doors open for adults. I remember telling my mother that when I got married, I wanted to have a son so I could raise a proper gentleman.
Fast forward to today, and my son opens doors, walks curbside while walking with a girl, and holds wonderful conversations with adults. My daughter can answer the phone politely, eat multi-course meals continental style, and is knows how to co-host afternoon teas.
Is proper etiquette a lost art in today’s fast paced digital world? Maybe in some places, but not in Princeton. Some people here still mail handwritten thank you notes, and there are classes in town for those who’d like their children to learn the tact and decorum of being lady or a gentleman, or just need to brush up their on skills.
The Barclay Classes at Trinity Church – Barclay teaches children in grades 4 – 8 ballroom dancing, table manners, manners in other social situations, how to make a good first impression, and the art of polite conversation. It’s a 10-session program meeting monthly. The children MUST dress up for classes. A girl would typically wear a dress, thin soled shoes, and white gloves (grades 4-6). Boys must don a jacket, dress shirt, dress pants, a tie, dark socks and dress shoes. YES, this is old school, but this is giving children invaluable skill sets for the future. Think cotillions, college interviews, fine dining, etc.
Taking Tea in Style – Children are guided in all of the social graces of an afternoon tea. Tea etiquette and table manners are taught in groups of 8 – 100 for 30 minutes. These are customized workshops, which could be provided for an organization or even a birthday party.
Mary Harris Etiquette – Mary Harris offers three courses: Introduction to Etiquette, Business Etiquette, and Dining Etiquette. The intro course is perfect for young adults in their senior year of college, or anyone looking to brush up on their social skills. The business course is for those already in an environment where they come in contact with clients, customers, or colleagues, and would like to further improve their communication skills. The dining course is good for individuals who go out for business lunches or dinners. Courses can be modified for a group’s needs. Ms. Harris can even put together a program for kids upon request. A year and a half ago, I was invited to a session condensing all three courses, and enjoyed it. You can read about it here.
FYI: Adults looking to take ballroom dancing for weddings or other formal events, can go to the Fred Astaire Dance Studio of Princeton.
So .. as expected I’m going to be contrarian
Raising the perfect gentleman depends on whether we define gentleman only in Western terms. Western rules of etiquette would raise eyebrows in other parts of the world or even here in the US among non-Western European ethnic groups.
I’ve found from experience interacting with my wife’s Indian family that what I was raised to say/do in social situations must vary. Westerners would frown on eating with one’s hands when hosting or attending a formal or semi-formal affair but in South East Asia eating with the hand (always the right hand) is normal etiquette.
I’m not critiquing your article. I enjoyed reading it and may in face enroll either myself or my kids in a class. I’m just making a point about the fact that Western definition of etiquette isn’t the only one.
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2005.html
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2040.html
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2000.html
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2195.html
I have issue with the way Western culture is sometimes held up as the ideal while the cultural customs and norms of polite social behavior for the remaining 4 billion (or more) people on the planet are not. Asians now account for over 2 billion of the earth’s humans.
Note, the Mary Harris classes aren’t called Introduction to Western Etiquette, Western Business Etiquette, or Western Dining Etiquette. There is a biased cultural assumption.
I quickly found that there were some rules that I was constantly violating when interacting with my wife’s family.
Holy Cow! I think I just wrote a blog post. 🙂
Haha! Wow, that was an entire blog post reply. 😉
The bottom line is, etiquette is taught for the country you’re in, otherwise it’s labeled international etiquette or etiquette for XXXX (the particular country). This would also be the case for business purposes. I would not expect to learn British etiquette in Indonesia, unless I request it. Etiquette taught here is assumed to be U.S. etiquette (perhaps with British influences).
Point taken. My family tends to follow the British rules of etiquette but I almost always with my wife’s family.